If I were to describe my life right now, it would be a Pointillism painting.


This form of painting was developed in the late 1800s, in which an artist would dot the canvas with their brush.  In the beginning all you could see would be dots, but when finished a masterpiece.


There are many instances when I can see immediately what is happening.  God uses circumstances to produce new character or minister to others.  I can actually see parts of the completed project.


However, there are those seasons of my life, when all I see are dots here and there not seemingly part of anything.  The dots and circumstances are floating in the middle of nowhere without rhyme or reason.


Now is one of those seasons, and it has lasted for a long time.


Half of my life seems to be running in the car going here and there without stopping.  School drop offs and pickups, running errands, household chores, ministry and the list can go on.


Did I mention the lack of energy needed, not just for the above but the emotional and physical needs of my children?  I have two teenagers moving closer and closer to independence and a six grader who has been having a hard time adjusting to middle school. Then there are art shows, soccer practices and church activities. It’s a wonder I still have hair.  Oh, then there is that too – the pre-menopause years.


My brain always seems to hesitate, get confused, forgetful, fatigued, irritability, hot flashes, night sweats, “Please Lord help me” is the only thing I can cry.  And then I’m staring at all these “dots” of life and wonder what in the world is going on?  What influence am I having?  Have I done anything important?  I sense no direction, or guidance on where I’m to go or what do.  I’m in a sea of dots with no possible hint of how it all fits into the bigger picture.


Memories of the toddler years flash before my eyes. They were great times but yet, a nagging feel that I lost myself and who I was. I have no idea who I am anymore, nothing makes sense.  I feel like a failure at times. There isn’t even passion to do the things I love to do like write.  Are you tired yet?


While I sit here writing, the Lord gently reminds me I have spent so much time complaining to Him, that I have not asked “What is it You the Master Painter want me to see and learn?”  I have questioned so much concerning what I am not seeing, that I neglect to remember that He is working whether or not I see it or if He even desires to reveal it.


These “dots” of hardships and challenges are somehow part of the Masterpiece, but I am spending way too much time complaining to sit back and be content with where He has me.


Is it possible that He is saying, “Christine, this is not a time to be focusing on the area you want. Those things I have given you?  I’m putting them on the shelf right now.  Be content with where I have you right now.”


That’s hard to embrace, but I’ve decided to wait on Him.  I know He has it all under control and He has a plan, and it is perfect.


“For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not calamity to give you a future and a hope.”

Jeremiah 29:11 (NSAB)

Deep Groanings

“I can’t imagine how people can through something like this without God.”


I don’t know how many times I’ve said this to people over the past weeks.  There are no words to express what I have been feeling.  How is someone to express feelings to the God of the universe when one can’t even separate the emotions out?


There has been anger, loss, frustration, confusion, and pain all rolled into one.

My sister passed away and into the arms of the One who saved her over thirty years ago.


She made bad choices in her life, and in the end those choices caught up with her.  The years of drug use wreaked havoc with her body.


I’ve wanted to pray, and I desired to stand on His promises but I haven’t been able to crack open the Bible to read.  Oddly, it’s not because of rebellion or anger toward God. It’s grief – caused numbness.


I have been in situations in the past where I have only one or two words to say such as “Help” or “Thank You.” But now there is nothing.  Not even one.


Someone asked, “How’s your family doing?”  and my answer was, “We’re doing okay for now. I’m so thankful that the Holy Spirit and the Son speak to the Father on my behalf because I’m at a complete loss what to pray.”


A few hours later, that same thought came out of now where while I was on my to pick a daughter up from school.  For the first time, I understood the concept; the Holy Spirit and the Son were interceding on my behalf, because all I can do is cry.


The Father knows and understands because He is being told by the best possible mediators.  He knows, for He has experienced the loss of a loved one, His Son.


Comfort and peace  floods my heart, knowing God knows even when a word is spoken.



“And in the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.  And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”


Romans 8:26-28 (NASB)



My husband was impressed with the Christian based talent company where he took my daughter.  One statement stood out during the open worship time and presentation.  The CEO made this comment, “We are not a cultural Christian Company but we are an overt Christian Company.”

She went on to say that they were not interested in individuals who were there to become famous or rich; instead they were looking for those who were mission minded, humble and bold.  They wanted to train Christians to go into the world of entertainment to bring the gospel to a dark area.

A gallop poll taken in 2012 states that 77 percent of Americans identify themselves as Christian¹.  In May 2015 Pew research group surveyed 35,000 people from all 50 states and the results showed 70% percent identified themselves as Christians².

This to me was disheartening.  If 70 percent of the United States identifies itself as being Christians why is our country in such a mess?

I came to the conclusion that a cultural Christian is more than just going to church on Sunday’s and Wednesdays.  It’s about talking a good game but not living the life, Christianity at the shallowest.

Cultural Christianity is what others deem as “Sunday” Christians, go on Sundays to get their church fix or fulfill an obligation.  There is also the, “what is in it for me mentality” and pointing out the sin yet forgetting the person, by treating others disrespectful.

The overt Christian goes so much deeper.  They take the pastors sermons to heart, and get into the Word on a daily basis.  Their words turn into action.  The overt Christian sees opportunities to serve others through ministries within the church, and in their communities.

They get their hands dirty, get out of their comfort zones, and have a heart to see others come to Christ.  They love the human being because Christ loves them yet in a respectful way not condoning the sin. They produce the fruits of the spirit, deny self and strive to walk by the spirit (Galatians 5).

Overt Christians are not perfect, but there is evidence of growth, others mindedness and seek to be a light in their community, not hiding the light under “a bushel”.

I have to admit when my husband talked about all that was said there was a sick feeling inside.  Was I truly an Overt Christian or just going through the motions?  I can say there are times I am, but other times that I slip into the culture Christian character.  My desire is to be more consistent.

What are you?  A cultural Christian or an overt Christian?  Because we are human and not yet with the Lord in Heaven we will not be perfect in being an overt Christian 100% of the time but we should be striving for overtness.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  Against such things there is no law.”

 (Galatians 5:22-23 NIV 1984)


“Do not be deceived; God cannot be mocked.  A man reaps what he sows.The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the spirit will reap eternal life.  Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we don’t give up.  Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.”

(Galatians 6:7-10 NIV 1984)


1   http://www.gallup.com/poll/159548/identify-christian.aspx

2   http://www.pewforum.org/religious-landscape-study/


As I write this, the time is 2:45 in the afternoon on Good Friday.

Jesus was on the cross from approximately the 3rd hour (9 am) to the 9th hour (3pm).  The pain He would have felt physically was excruciating. However, that wasn’t the worst part of the cross.

The message my pastor brought this past Sunday, “What Really Happened at the Cross” went much deeper, allowing me to experience today in a whole new way.

At a stop light today, I looked at the clock it was, 11:50 am, ten minutes before the 6th hour.  The book of Matthew says this,

From the sixth hour until the ninth hour darkness came over all the land.  About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice,”Eloi, Eloi lama sabachtham? – Which means, “my God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”  

Matt 27:45,46 Psalm 22:1 (NIV 1984)

He went on to say the description of Hell is darkness and separation from God.  Jesus experienced this to the nth degree.  The punishment for sin is death, a separation from God.

As Christ hung between heaven and earth He felt that separation not only for me but for all who came before me, who live in the world with me and those who have yet to live. He felt what it would be like for the whole would to be separated from His Father.  How is it that He could possibly feel billions upon billions of people’s punishment all at once?  The pastor said, being who He was (God in the flesh) He could.  We can have no comprehension of how this is possible.

1 John says,

“and He Himself is the propitiation for our sins; and not for ours only, but also for those of the whole world.”  (2:2 NASB)

I looked up the definition of that big word “propitiation” in the Greek. The definition stunned me.  It says, “that which appeases anger and brings reconciliation with someone who has reason to be angry with one” (NASB Key word study Bible)*.  He not only felt the separation but also satisfied God’s wrath for sin.

I see the clock, it is now 3 pm.   Shortly after this Jesus said,

“…He said, ‘It is finished.’ And He bowed His head, and gave up His spirit.”  John 19:30 (NASB)

The better translation of “it is finished”, is “Paid in full”.  There was nothing more to be done.  The punishment was completely paid for. Nothing else was needed.

“The reason my Father loves me is that I lay down my life – only too take it up again.

No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord.  I have authority to

lay it down and authority to take it up again.  This command I received from my Father.”

John 10:17,18  (NIV 1984)

*  NASB Hebrew-Greek Key word study Bible  AMG International Inc. 2008, pg 2190

Solitude is refreshing.

I can almost hear your groans.  Solitude is not an easy discipline.  Like I said in an earlier post, silence is not easy for me.  Solitude is even harder.

Webster’s defines solitude as:  “1. The state of being or living alone.  2.  Remoteness from habitations, a lonely unfrequented place.”  It sounds depressing.  And yet Jesus took time to seek solitude.  (Mark 1:35)

It goes beyond being quiet, before God. Solitude means getting away from everything. You would think that for a homemaker with three children attending school it wouldn’t be a challenge; all I have to do is go to the home office and sit.  But even in the office there are many distractions such as the dog, telephone, and mental reminders of all that needs to be done.  So I started praying for a place I could get away to, with no distractions.

One day a missionary friend posted a picture on Facebook of a place she likes to go when she is home from the field, The House of Prayer.  I found the hours of operation and decided to go.DSCF4086

I confess, it was a little uncomfortable at first, because it wasn’t in my own church.  I almost turned around and left.  Well, that excuse doesn’t work, because the church is not a building but believers.

It was beautiful and peaceful with soft instrumental music played and a water fountain flowing.  With only my Bible, notebook and pencil, I chose one of the little rooms to the side, and closed the curtain.  It was God with me, alone together.

By the time I left, the sense of being in His presence was overwhelming.  The amazing thing was how the Holy Spirit brought scripture to mind and spoke to my heart.

It was not the building but what it provided; It was a precious time being alone with my Creator, Redeemer and Heavenly Father.

A few days later, I longed to have that time again.  I finally understood the scripture that says,

             “As the deer pants for streams of water so my soul pants for you. Oh God”   Psalm 42:1  (NIV 1984)

My challenge to you is: to pray about a day and place that you can schedule time for solitude.  It doesn’t have to be a “church” building.  For you it may be a park or beach.  Be intentional.

You will be glad you did.

“Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up,

left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.”   

Mark 1:35 (NIV 1984)

Silence is Golden

I’m not a people person.  That is to say, I don’t have to have people around me twenty-four seven.  However, silence is some thing I can’t handle either.  Usually I have to have the TV on just for noise, which in turn becomes a big distraction.  Lately, it’s been Christian radio which in reality, is a better choice in breaking the silence.

Another issue I see is the busyness of life.  Now I don’t cram my days with activity after activity, but with three girls I feel like I’m running all the time.

Our culture says the busier you are the better.  The danger in this is an overwhelmed schedule that makes it harder to hear from God.  This has been true about me over the past several months.

Through circumstances of life I realized that I have been neglecting my soul.  Sure I have been in the Word and praying but there is a discipline I have been ignoring.  Silence.

Silence means listening and that can’t be accomplished unless I’m intentional about doing it.  I can rush to get my time with God done and move on with my day, but what is the point in that?  That is not how a relationship works.

The first time I sat and was still, I stared at the wall waiting, nothing happened.  Frustrated, I started my day.  Needless to say I felt guilty. I determined to start over the next morning.

I sat down and said, “Okay, I’m here God. Show up.”  I don’t recommend saying that, my attitude wasn’t the greatest but He did.

I read the portion of scripture and waited. He showed me things I had never seen or realized before.

Two months later, the women’s director of my church recommended a book to me.  Embracing Soul Care – Making Space for What Matters Most by Stephen W. Smith.  It talks about how our lives get so bogged down with schedules that we start doing things in our strength and then neglect our spiritual lives.

This book has forced me to slow down, and be still before the Lord so He can refresh, and nourish my soul.  I have learned quite a bit about myself and the Lord.  As I have paused after my reading both this book and Scripture I take time to reflect on the questions and what the Lord has for me.

*These are just some of the things God has placed on my heart through sitting still and listening.

  1. Take the clock out of the office: I had become so task oriented that I was constantly checking the clock so I could end my time with Him before my girls got up for school.
  2. Praying before I start reading. Before, I always prayed after reading scripture 1. it took longer so if I had to cut something short it would be prayer  to apply what I read.
  3. Stop recording some of my favorite TV shows. TV became a distraction and took time away from more important things.
  4. Pray more for my children (pinpoint praying not vague prayers)

Even after a month, it’s still so hard not to do anything for a few minutes.  Sometimes I learn something new, other times God brings things to mind I need to confess, and yet other times it’s just to be silent and soak up the fact I am in the presence of the God of the universe, my Father.

How about you?  Do you look in the mirror and see a person you don’t know anymore.   Are you feeling overwhelmed, struggling with your quiet times.  Maybe you feel stretched thin, tired, both spiritually and in your everyday life.  Maybe it’s time to slow down, breath in God through reading, prayer and listening.  You won’t regret it.

Silence is golden.

*Please note – God works with each person differently. What He impress on my heart may not be what He wants for you.

“For thus the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, has said, ‘In

Repentance and rest you shall be saved, in quietness and trust is your strength.’”

Isaiah 30:15 (NASB)


The Perfect Gift

I’ve always been overwhelmed by the fact that God chose to be one of us, and to give up everything to become a helpless baby, to be laid in an animal feeding trough.


As I write this I’m preparing to go shopping for the perfect gifts for family and friends.  Sometimes those gifts are things the individual needs, more times then not they are things the individual wants.  As I get older, the less I want and the more I desire to give.  But it can be stressful, trying to find the “perfect” gift.


Christmas, though, is the day we celebrate the fact that God gave the perfect gift to the world.  The baby born so long ago filled both the world’s needs and wants (whether it realizes it or not).


We are all sinners.  Of course not all of us have killed, but who reading this has never lied, said a cross word, worried, or stole a cookie?  It’s all sin.  Like Paul, there are I times that I can say “I’m the chief of sinners.”


The worst part of sin is not that it hurts others – which it does – but that it separates us from the One who created us and wants a relationship with us.  The consequence for sin is death not only physically, but spiritually.  It’s why the sacrificial system was put in place.  A lamb without any defect, including spots, was sacrificed to pay for all the wrong doing.


I’m no more perfect than you.  I need, you need and the world needs a Savior.  That little baby more than two thousand years ago was that Savior.  He came, lived, and taught others how to live, but that wasn’t His purpose.


His purpose was to be that perfect sacrifice, without sin or defect.  He left the riches of heaven to die a cruel death to satisfy the requirement of His Father.  The good news is He didn’t stay dead. He rose from the grave three days later.  If He hadn’t all that He accomplished on the cross was for nothing.  If there could be any other way, His death would mean absolutely nothing.


His coming that Christmas morning also provided for our wants.  Many times we think if I could just have more money, a nicer house, perfect children, perfect spouse or perfect job, life would be satisfying.  However, when we get more or have the perfect family or job, we find it’s not enough.  Why?  Because when we were created there was this void built in us that can never be satisfied unless it’s filled with Him.


He created us for a relationship with Himself.  Too simple?  Yes, but also the hardest concept to accept especially in a culture that thrives on the mentallity of “dependence on self.”


As the story reveals the wise men sought God out, found Him and presented Him with the best they had.  Unfortunately, our best isn’t good enough.  It never will be, but Christ gave His best and that is enough.


How about you?  Have you ever genuinely chosen to seek Him?  Are you a skeptic and have you snubbed the whole idea of this whole Savior thing?  I challenge you, seek Him and the truth with an open heart and mind.  Ask Him to show you the truth.


If you are willing, open the Invitation Tab above.  It may be the answer you’re looking for or it could be your starting place.  There is the perfect gift waiting for you, but you have to accept it.  It won’t be yours any other way.




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